I Needed....

I don't often take the time to think about what it is that I need. To be quite honest, most times I am not even really sure of what those things are - beyond of course the basic day to day "stuff" that we all find important. Every so often though, something will happen that just provides a very clear message of just how vulnerable I can be. 

Recently, I caused something negative to happen. The situation that resulted was not life threatening or dangerous, and no one was injured in any way. It was a major inconvenience for several people, and a huge blow to my self-esteem. People who needed me were let down, and I could not move beyond my own feeling of inadequacy and the resulting embarrassment. I felt physically ill, and totally humiliated.

What I needed was the reassurance that it was ok to have made such a major error. What I needed was to be told that despite the fact that people needed to deal with the fallout, things would be back to normal very quickly, and all would be well again. What I needed was just someone to tell me that I wasn't a "loser," and give me some kind words of encouragement.

Several people did just that, in a quiet sort of way. It was those words and interactions that helped me to feel somewhat better. However, there were others whose words were not so kind. They were words of sarcasm, words reminding me how inconvenienced these folks would be, words that reminded me just how much I had let them down.

I needed to rely on the consolation/desolation teaching to not return to that dark place I found myself in the last time I encountered such a negative blow. Fortunately I am now well-armed to deal with such an event! Before I felt so completely wiped out, I remembered to focus on what I truly needed, and how it had been received from the majority of the people affected. In my Sacred Space reading this week, one of the thoughts to ponder is about conversation. It says: "The gift of speech is a wonderful gift. May I use this gift with kindness. May I be slow to utter harsh words, hurtful words, and words spoken in anger."  I pray that I can use this lesson as a reminder to use my words the way they are needed to be used in the situations I encounter. 

Another favorite song ran through my head in the days following the mess I found myself in (which has been cleaned up by the way!) At the risk of being repetitive, I am sharing another music video with you here - enjoy!