Step Away and Stow the Boat!

As I mentioned in a previous post (Boats, Courage, Generosity), what seemed to be an easy assignment in the development of my spiritual life truly was not. I was busy looking into many details, analyzing thoughts that came my way as I read, looking for connections to all of those concepts and trying to figure out where I was supposed to be headed. On Tuesday morning, I sent an email request for some guidance and was given this advice -
 
Step away from the boat for a little bit. Sometimes over-thinking can be an obstacle to prayer. Remember that prayer is God's work, not our work, and when we're working too hard or thinking too hard or trying too hard, that's not God at work. Our prayer makes sense when we place it within the patterns of consolation and desolation.   
  
On Wednesday evening I had another one of my "nights turning into mornings," and spent most of the time contemplating the advice that had been passed on to me. I had been keeping a sheet of note paper in my Bible to mark the Matthew 14 reading, intending to eventually use the thoughts here in my blog. As I read over what I had written, before stowing the paper into another spot in my office to pull out at a later time, I saw the pattern!

Here, exactly from those notes, is how it went - 

4/25 - Jesus made them get into the boat because he didn't want them to miss out on something important. What am I missing?
4/27 - Courage - I need to have the courage to allow Jesus to guide me. I need to rely more on him to take the lead.
5/11 - Jesus went off by himself to pray; he was there alone - regular quiet time has been missing from my days for almost 2 weeks; need to return to this time of contemplation!
5/12 - Fourth watch - NAB (my Catholic Bible translation) notes time period between 3-6am; have been waking up around 2:30 every day this week, but going back to sleep - maybe I should try to stay awake and use the time in prayer?
5/13 - Peter challenges Jesus; asking him to prove that it was him walking on the water - have I been "challenging" Jesus by not giving everything over to his control? I am still hanging on to things, hoping they will go "my way"

I obviously missed the greater message by allowing myself to get so caught up in the details of figuring things out. I have not yet given up control, nor have I been willing to let God lead me (which also means that even though I thought I was, I really wasn't listening!) So, I am stepping away and stowing the boat for now. I have turned my attention to just letting God decide for me, (rather than me deciding for Him), which way this new contemplation will take me.

Bottom line, as I was told on Tuesday - I am going to stop trying so hard, and let God take the lead! This morning, I spent time just quietly meditating on things that I have most recently found as consolation. The time with wonderful friends last evening, newly answered prayers, and wise advice from a holy priest. It may still become a storm-tossed ride, but now more than ever, I am determined to just be the passenger!

Learn more about St. Ignatius and his principles of consolation and desolation at this link    Ignatian Spirituality