Gifts Given And Received - A Request For Prayer!

A few days ago, I received a FaceBook message from the mother of a former 3rd grade student of mine. The young lady is now 13, and we have kept in touch since she left my classroom almost 5 years ago. The message was not an easy one to read, and I am sure it was not an easy one for her mom to write. 

You see, this girl suffers from RAD - Reactive Attachment Disorder. RAD arises from a failure to form normal attachments to primary caregivers in early childhood. This child spent her first few years in a foreign orphanage, before being adopted by her current family. After several recent short term hospitalizations, the family has come to the painful decision that she cannot return to their home. The situation has escalated over the past few years, despite treatment and an amazing amount of support. This week, they will be taking their daughter to live in a residential treatment facility in Missouri.

When this student first came into my life those 5 years ago, I knew she was going to be a challenge. But, at the same time, I also knew that something special was hidden deep inside her. We had our "battles" those first few weeks of school. I distinctly remember the turning point - when I very firmly told her that "I've been doing this for a long time, and you are not going to win!" After that, our relationship changed for the better. While it was still rocky and rough going at times throughout that school year, it blossomed into one of those teacher-student connections that I will always treasure.

Her parents have often mentioned to me how grateful they were for my intervention in her life. She would always stop by my classroom to visit whenever she was near the school, even after she had moved on to another building. We would catch up on her successes at the grocery store. I would see her at concerts and other school events - where she would pretend to be "annoyed" to run into me, but then I'd get a smile and many times a hug. I loved to see her smile! Recently, her mom shared with me that she had rescued some baby robins, and was nursing them by digging up the yard in search of worms!

As I was thinking about her and her family today (their journey to Missouri starts tomorrow), I began to realize the blessing she truly was to my life. She was part of the most difficult year of teaching I have had in my 32 year career - and not because of who she was! That was the year that I lost one of my best friends in a tragic car accident. 

Twila was killed in October of that school year. We had been together for 10 years - she was my teaching assistant when I was the special education teacher, and then was assigned to be in my 3rd grade classroom for the majority of the day that particular school year. Losing her was one of the most difficult events I have faced in my life journey so far. I was the one who had to tell the children;  it was the first time any of them had seen a teacher cry. I tried to be strong for them, and put on one of those masks we all wear when we want to keep others from seeing our pain. As the days went on, and we slowly moved into a new normal without her, I began to realize that I was slipping into a depression. I became frustrated, and easily overwhelmed by the level of responsibility for my students - which is not like me at all!

Knowing that this particular student was one who needed a great deal of attention from me helped me to realize that I had to snap out of it. Again, I remember vividly the "aha" moment. I was sitting at the red light on Route 15 on my way to school (I believe I mentioned this spot in an earlier post, but was headed home in that one!) Something inside me said - Twila would not want you to give up! She worked hard with these kids while she was with you, so it's time to pull yourself together and be the teacher you know you need to be! 

My attitude changed by the time I had reached my classroom. And while it was a painful year, I know that being needed by this child saved me from full-blown depression. Giving her what she needed, being her support and ally as she struggled through her own issues, helped to keep me from developing even more of my own.

Her mom has asked for my prayers, and I have promised her the prayers of others. The family is determined to eventually bring their daughter home. They will make monthly visits as part of the therapy plan. I am hoping to be allowed to have contact with her as well. She is truly a special child, who unknowingly provided me with a gift of healing. I pray that she receives that same gift. God truly has a plan for her. While her parents are grateful that He placed me into their lives, I am grateful that He placed their daughter in mine. Please keep her in your prayers.