I've been away too long!

Once again, I have found myself falling away from what I know I should be doing – praying, meditating on the things of God. I’ve neglected the quiet time that I know I should be devoting, the time I so treasured and couldn’t seem to do without. What happened? Have I lost the special connection? Have I just become overly forgetful or complacent?

Or, could it be that I have not been listening; not been paying attention? Could it be that I am once again trying too hard to convince myself that what I want must be what God wants for me or from me?  Could it be that I have not trusted him to take the lead, but rather allowed myself to take control. I’ve been down this road many times before, and am disappointed to find myself on it once again.

Here it is, July 1^st, and my last blog post was weeks ago. I need to get myself back into some sort of routine, to find that place where God and I just sit and chat – silently visiting, or quietly conversing with each other (what I'm sure looks like me talking to myself). On the few days that I have made that time, or have purposefully carved out that piece of my day, I am in awe of the connection and the subtle power of God. He moves my heart and soul in ways that only he can. I find myself reading, praying, chatting – and realize it’s been over an hour or more though it seems like minutes.Why would I ever want that to go away? I don't -  I know that it isn't me that wants this holy time to disappear from my day, but something else!

Earlier this evening, a friend pointed me toward another blog – and the connection was made in my brain and in my heart to begin again. Understand that I have never “lost the faith,” never given up, never denied the power of God in my life. It’s just that lately I have been trying to decide for myself what it is I should be doing. And again, each time I have done that, a feeling of worry and confusion has entered my brain, and disturbed my heart - not to mention my sleep, as I’m sure July 1^st will become July 2^nd  for me before I finish this post!

So, it is once again time to take a very hard look at the reason behind my “spiritual stall.” There have been many ideas, thoughts, events, and connections that I can look back at over the past weeks, and realize the hand of God guiding me along – even though I once again neglected to see it. There are so many that I just need to gather them all together – into separate postings as I am reminded of them. You see, they have not disappeared, but have now resurfaced with the “aha” component – the moment of clarity that I should have noticed as they were happening. I suppose I can be happy with the simple fact that I have begun to recognize them once again! And also with the fact that it is still July 1st, at least for another 15 minutes!