I've been spending a lot of time since the first of July simply learning to be pleased with where I am in the present moment. While I have had many instances of God's grace being shared with me, it has all been very subtle and slow to unfold. Despite this, I have been surprisingly patient! I meant to begin writing and blogging regularly again, but have found myself preoccupied with other important things that were not meant just for me. Don't worry though, I've kept plenty of notes to get me started up again - and here is one of them! What follows is an email that I sent to a friend almost exactly a month ago, that I had also meant to share in this blog. A little late, and much farther behind than I wanted to be at this point, but an easy restart! There is so much more to come, but for today this one will have to do!
June 15, 2013
Once
again, it's me - sharing what I think is another of God's wonderful
messages, and perhaps bits of humor! I spent most of my day trying to
"reclaim" the former bedroom that is
now my office/sanctuary, and ended up with 3 "aha" moments! Hope you
don't mind; well if you do, just don't read further - I'll never know ;)
As
part of my project, I cleaned through a basket of my reading material. I
started getting rather down on myself as I found selections and books
that I had every intention of reading, but have either stopped or not
even started. I came across a small stack of papers: scraps really -
envelopes, index cards, etc. - and realized they were the "Glimpses of
Grace" I had started writing just after my first spiritual direction
meeting a year ago. In the pile I also found a copy of "The Word Among
Us" that I had picked up at the church in North Carolina where we were
vacationing. Since I was in a rather dark place at that time in my life,
I remember thinking that it certainly wouldn't hurt to read something
extra! Now - almost an entire year later, I found the reading and
meditation for Tuesday, August 7 - Matthew 14: 22-33 - the "boat
assignment" that had been given to me back in April of this year! The mediation
and my notes from August , 2012 went like this - "even when Jesus is right
there with us, we may not recognize him because we are so caught up in
everything else around us - the disciples struggled, kept on trying to
make the crossing on their own; we can't do it alone - learn to find
Jesus in our everyday lives - decide to fix your eyes on Jesus." My boat
is still in "dry dock," as was suggested a few weeks ago - that I step
back from that particular meditation. But now I wonder if it is time to
take another look - perhaps a spiritual direction meeting sometime soon
wouldn't be a bad idea :)
The next 2 "moments" came just a bit
ago, and both involved photographs that Morgan (my younger son's girlfriend) had given us for
Christmas. As part of a class assignment, she went to several churches,
including Our Lady of the Lake in Edinboro. She enlarged a few of her
photos, and gave me one of their Blessed Mother statue. Mary is holding a
young Jesus, who is displaying his Sacred Heart - which at the time was
not particularly significant to me at all. But, after finishing the
recent group retreat (Consoling the Heart of Jesus, by Father Michael Gaitley) and making the parish pilgrimage to the Sacred Heart Basilica, it certainly is now! The
other photo is of a hymnal on a pew - which she just randomly opened
for the shot. The song on the page is "You Are Mine" - which has a
powerful significance in my life, beginning with my cancer diagnosis 5
years ago (the stories I could tell involving this song are amazing!)
When she gave the photos to us, I really had not looked at them in such
detail - but this evening I finally got frames to put them in with the
intent of hanging Mary with the rest of the collection in my now clean
room. Imagine my surprise, and the feeling of wonder at the way God has
once again reminded me that he is always nearby!
The notes and
meditation book were in the basket for a year; the photos in a box under
the futon for 6 months. Each message was waiting for just the right
time to appear - and this is definitely it! I have been feeling somewhat
lost again - nothing major; just more of a feeling of being unfocused
and lacking a true sense of direction. My time spent in prayer and
meditation has been interrupted and disturbed by circumstance for the
past few weeks. I have been rather hard on myself for being so
neglectful of my spiritual life. I have been craving that quiet time,
but have just not felt drawn to make it happen. But, as it appears that
my night will soon become my morning once again, perhaps now is that
time! All thanks to a need to clean and reorganize my little
"sanctuary", and of course a God who loves me!
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